dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
