New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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