you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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