Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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