My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
