He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
