How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
should my penis look like a turkey
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
