Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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