This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
