I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
