Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
