Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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