just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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