I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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