I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
