I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
