after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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