party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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