When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
