What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
