the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
