you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
