Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
