i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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