Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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