dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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