i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
