Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
