eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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