were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
