Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
