A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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