Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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