I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm too high and old for this...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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