I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
