There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
