I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
