Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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