i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
