1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
