So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
