We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
