Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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