i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
