and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
