I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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