u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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