I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
