but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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