I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
