I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
