I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
