The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
