This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
