So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
