I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
