i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
