WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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