if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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